My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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