do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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