Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
