do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
