she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
