omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
