ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
