covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
