i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
