why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
