Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
