We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize