i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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