you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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