PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
