I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
