I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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