im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
