Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
