im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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