Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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