my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night