next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
