ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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