I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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