in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
