I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's always time for handjobs
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
