ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
