I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
