cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
kristin has been a bad kristin
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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