I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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