Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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