I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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