my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
