i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
