They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
