So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
