Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
