I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Mom said you looked used
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize