I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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