apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
