Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize