Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
