call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
