I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
