my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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