I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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