hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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