I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
