i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Acid is not a monday night drug
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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