Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
