Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize