I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
