I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
