Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
