Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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