you didnt know i had herpes?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
