1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
